Ubushize twavuze ku bintu abantu bizera ko bazabona mu rushako (les expectatives) bishobora no kubasenyera mu gihe bikabije, cyangwa se bitarimo gushyira mu gaciro.
Muri byo, harimo kwizera urushako rw’indoto, urugo ruzira amakimbirane, guhuza muri byose buri gihe no kugira umugabo/umugore utazigera ahinduka.
Uyu munsi tubifashijwemo na Fernando Zabala mu gitabo Differents Certes mais Inseparables, turavuga uburyo bwo gucunga ibyo buri wese yiteze ku rushako, akaba ari na cyo kiranga abantu babanye neza.
Mu gitabo cyitwa Fighting for your marriage cyanditswe na Howard Markman, Scott Stanley na Susan Blumberg, bemeza ko ibyo umuntu yiteze ku rushako bishobora gusenya, kimwe n’uko bishobora kuba intandaro yo kwegerana kurushaho mu bashakanye.
Dora uburyo wakwirinda ko ibyo witeze ku rushako byagusenyera nk’uko bisobanurwa na Zabala
Gushyira mu gaciro
Mbere yo kumva wahemukiwe cyangwa wabihiwe n’urushako kuko wabuze icyo wari witeze ku wo mwashakanye banza wibaze niba ibyo wari ukeneye bifite agaciro nyako, niba uri mu kuri.
Hari ababa bizeye ko bazahora bumva ibintu kimwe n’abo bashakanye, ku buryo hatabaho kunyuranya ibitekerezo n’ibindi. Mbere yo kurakazwa n’uko mutari kumva ibintu kimwe, banza wibaze niba ari ngombwa ko buri gihe mubibona mu buryo bumwe.
Mbere yo kurakazwa n’uko uwo mwashakanye yagiye mutajyanye, banza wibaze niba nta burenganzira afite bwo kugira igihe cye wenyine ari kumwe n’inshuti ze zindi, nk’uko nawe ubikenera.
Ese byaba biri mu gaciro ko umugabo/umugore wawe ahora yiteguye gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina igihe ubikenereye cyose n’iyo yaba ananiwe ngo ni uko ariko wabyifuzaga mutarashakana?
Hari byinshi umuntu aba yibwira ko azabona mu rushako ariko bitandukanye n’ukuri mu buzima. Buri wese afite uburenganzira bwo kugira indoto, ariko kugenzura niba ibyo witeze biri mu gaciro ni ingenzi mu mibanire n’uwo mwashakanye.
Abashakanye bagomba kubwirana ibyo bifuzanyaho
Kugira ngo abashakanye badatandukanywa n’ibyo buri wese yari yiteze ku rushako, ni ngombwa ko babwirana mu buryo bweruye buri wese icyo akeneye ku wundi.
Mubwirane icyo buri wese akeneye haba kwitabwaho (affection), mu mibonano mpuzabitsina, mu busabane, mu myemerere n’ibindi.
Ikosa rikunda kubaho ni uko buri wese ategereza ko undi azivumburira icyo mugenzi we ashaka, kandi atabivumbura hakabaho kurakara no kubihirwa mu rushako.
Si byiza na gato gutegereza ko umugabo/umugore wawe asoma mu bitekerezo byawe ngo amenye ikigushimisha.
Iyo habayeho kuganira buri wese akamenya icyo undi yifuza, kubasha gucunga ibyo buri wese yari yiteze ku rushako biroroha kurushaho.
Guharanira gushimishanya
Inshuro nyinshi iyo abantu bamaze gushakana, bagabanya ingufu bashyiraga mu gushimishanya.
Nyamara, burya ngo guharanira gushimishanya byakagombye gukomeza ku rugero rumwe n’urwo mwarimo mu gihe cyo kurambagizanya, cyangwa mugishakana.
Mu gihe abashakanye bakomeje gushyira imbaraga mu gushimishanya, bizanaborohera kugera kuri zimwe mu nzozi bifuzaga ku rugo rwabo, n’ibitagezweho bibashe gucungwa no kumvikanwaho.
Scott Stanley, umwe mu bashakashatsi bakomeye mu bijyanye n’imibanire y’abashakanye avuga ko uburyo nyabwo bwo kwirinda ko ibyo abantu biteze bitazabasenyera, ari ukubanza kubimenya.
Ibaze uti “Ni iki narotaga ku rushako rwanjye? Mu nzozi ninjiranye mu rushako ni izihe zabaye impamo? Ni izihe zitaraba impamo?
Nyuma yo kwisubiza ibi bibazo hakurikiraho gushyira inzozi zawe mu byiciro, ukurikije iziri mu gaciro (raisonables) n’izitagendeye ku kuri, zikabije (deraisonables).
Urugero, niba warizeraga ko uzagira urugo rutagira amakimbirane, iki kiri mu nzozi zidashyize mu gaciro.
Niba wifuza kunezererwa mu rushako rwawe ukanateganya ko rimwe na rimwe hazajya bahaho kubabara ariko bigashira, aha uri mu kuri, ushyize mu gaciro
Nyuma yo gushyira ibyo wari witeze mu byiciro, hakurikiraho gushyingura ibitari mu gaciro, ugashakisha uburyo wagera ku biri mu kuri, ugerageza kuzana impinduka nziza mu rushako rwawe.
